- How Do You Avoid Crazy People When You’re Living in a Van Down by the River?
- Can We Borrow 2,000,000 Pennies?
- Paying for a Mobile Lifestyle: Ways to Make Money Online
- Why Don’t We Have Electric Powered Vans Yet?
- Boing boing, Grease, and Why a Car Won’t Work
- Little Miss Sunshine vs The Soccer Mom
- The Little Can That Could: Checking out the VW Minibus
- First Order of Business: What Kind of Van?
- We’re Gonna be Living in a Van Down by the River!
Long time no post, eh? Well, I’ve been working on a few projects to help me earn a location-independent income so I haven’t had as much time to update this bad boy as I’d like.
The troops were getting restless in the comments of the last post and I actually had to delete a few comments that crossed the line, which bring me to the age old question ” how do you avoid the crazies when you’re living in a van down by the river?” It almost seems rhetorical right?
I’m realizing that it’s not the 60’s anymore and that in 2007, 4 out of 5 people you meet on the road will either stab you or try to steal your bucket of KFC.
So aside from installing a gun rack (I don’t even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack), we have a few different options…
A taser. I would love to reenact “Don’t tase me bro” at every truckstop where people think it’s ok to make eye contact.
An eye patch. People are scared of pirates and usually avoid them – especially if they also appear to have scurvy. Starting tomorrow I’m not eating any more citrus.
A dog. We both love dogs, but I have allergies to them which might be a bad idea in such close quarters. Plus they poop.
Tattoos. Do you think anyone messes with you when you have a tatoo of MC Echer on your head. Fughetabbout it. “1. 2. 3. not it” Angela loses.
Wear a Shredder outfit. Pretty self-explanatory, this one.
Van alarm. This one is pretty much a given already, but I’d like to rig it for 2 settings: screaming banshee or Cher – depending on intruder type.
Then again, an eye-patch wearing Shredder next to a pooping dog with “Believe” blaring in the background might actually attract the crazies.
Now if you excuse me I have to go practice my nunchuck skills.
October 9th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
People who ask “How do I defend myself and my family” after stating publicly “I don’t own any guns” need to rethink their logic and their options.
October 9th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
you’re right, you’ll never get a “no-honk guarantee” out of a dog. However, in the event that you might see a homicidal Maniac mouthing in the shadows, swinging a length of lead pipe, you could play a high volume recording of an attack dog scrabbling to get out of your van. Or play a recording of a deranged southern hayseed warning said maniac not to “make you come out there.”
October 10th, 2007 at 12:05 am
First of all. LOL on the waynes world reference.
But seriously?? Buy a gun. It doesnt have to be a fancy handgun or something hella expensive and you will probably never even have to fire it (although having a couple shells in case might be a good idea.)
The sound of a pump action shotgun/rifle right before it is pointed at them is enough to make just about anyone back down or run away. Ya know that CHIK-CHUK sound you hear in a movie right before the guy says “get the hell off my land!” You can proably even pick a used one at a pawn shop on the cheap and guns retain there value pretty well so you can sell it after the trip. Good Luck
October 10th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Kudos on the gun rack reference!
Scurvy’s rather unpleasant – your gums turn into Velveeta and your teeth fall out. But maybe that’s a plus?
October 10th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Firearm is a very bad idea, especially if you are not very familiar with using one. 2 to 1 it won’t do you any good unless you are carrying it on your person. If someone was trying to break into your van at night, you’d be better off trying to drive off, or use noise to scare the criminal off.
October 10th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I’d go with the Home Alone type of defense. You know, someone tries to break into the van and there fly’s a few paint cans while marbles fall on the ground.
Sadly enough, a gun isn’t a horrible idea. It’ll cost you a bit, but in this day and age with what you’ll be doing, it’s worth a look into.
I love the dog idea (poop aside). If you’re sleeping a dog is good to have around. They sense things around you a lot easier. Example, I was over in Arizona not to long back and I was asleep in a room in a ghost town (yes ghost towns still exist.) and my dog starts growling I wake up and a scorpion is climbing up my sheet. As I see the scorpion, my dog swipes at it, knocking it off and for whatever reason my dog decides to eat it. Mind you, it wasn’t a huge scorpion and my dog handled that scorpion wither I was awake or not, point being is that they’ll take care of you two pretty well, even when you’re sleeping.
October 11th, 2007 at 11:42 am
I love it when people who proclaim their desire to see the world (or the US, their world I guess) think that every other person out there is a bad guy and that they will kill them if they mess with their piece of crap minivan. Idiots. Stay home. Isolate yourself in your suburban apartment and never venture out. And a $20k minivan? Seriously? What a lame way to travel. Get some style and go with the VW bus. You’re traveling in the US, what could possibly happen. Hope my post passes the editing process that only leaves positive comments.
October 11th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Also can be pricey, a talking parrot trained to make any sound effect you need. If you have room in your van for a cage and time to keep it clean. Other than that, tazer is a good idea.
October 11th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
For some time now, I’ve planned on getting a minivan for my trip because they use less gas than a motorhome. Have you thought of hitching a pop-up camper to the back? it seems like it would give you more space & possibly more comfort. This might be useful if you can generate the location-optional income. Good luck too you guys.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
If you would just take my advice about selling hotdogs you would be fine. If someone is pestering you simply give them a rotisserie hotdog. Who’s gonna turn down a hotdog. It’s meaty. It’s mustardy. It’s delicious. Why pop a cap in someone’s ass when you can befriend them with a ‘dog.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Kim, you are a genius. It’s like that Beatle dude once said “All you need is hotdogs (and/or love).”
October 12th, 2007 at 12:23 am
Now that’s what I’m talkin’ bout.
October 12th, 2007 at 12:29 am
Some of these Charles Bronsonesque gun advocates on this site. How can I make them realize that you can’t hug a child with FIRE arms?
October 12th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Hi, this is Starchild, one of Kim’s freegan friends. I would suggest that you sell “Not Dogs” the nonfat soybean hot dog substitute. And do you realize how much food you two could get out of the dumpsters. As a freegan I eat most of my dinners out of a garbage can. Last night I rustled up some potatoes O’Brien and some limp beet greens. You’d be amazed at some of the stuff people throw away
October 12th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Oh, I forgot, why don’t you two make jewelry and sell it at fairs?
October 12th, 2007 at 12:47 am
I’m not a freegan, but I am a gleaner/dumpster diver. Starchild is right. Once I found a buttload of OssoBucco in a dumpster behind a fancy restaurant. I lived on osso bucco and eggplant parmesian for like a week or something. That’ll cut down on your operating expenses.
October 12th, 2007 at 12:51 am
Raymond, veal is wrong on so many levels. You are as bad as these gun-toting maniacs giving these guys advice.
Peace out:)
October 12th, 2007 at 1:11 am
Heya Starchild, I’m Bucky Newsbaum, a nice Jewish boy from the lower east side. I’m looking for a shiksa goddess. For me it’s kosher all the way. I very much like to date a Gentile but I don’t want to wake up to the smell of bacon
If you are interested look me up on Facebook.
Maybe a little kugel we could have?
October 12th, 2007 at 10:22 pm
Mendaugus,
From one not Lithuanian to another, the gun idea is a good idea… on the surface. However, there are states where you basically cannot have a gun in the state, unless you are a resident of the state (S. Carolina is one of the worst — as a resident of Fla. you cannot have a gun in S. Carolina, even if you have a concealed permit to carry said gun). AS far as not being able to hug kids with FIRE arms, you are right, but you can hug anyone with Nuclear Arms. Because once you have them, everyone wants to be your friend … see Iran as a perfect example — Ok, Maybe “friend” isn’t the right word, but suddenly everyone pays a lot more attention to you. I think your best bet would probably be a Taser if you are going to go out on the road. They are amazingly powerful, and will put down any attacker that you may encounter. (Feel free to hit the youtube video of the bull being tasered, just to give you an idea of stopping power) Unless of course you go to sleep with with the windows open wearing your rose colored glasses like G4I’s apparently does — in which case all you will need are good thoughts and well wishes, and nothing will ever happen to you, because you are in America, where crime never happens.
October 13th, 2007 at 12:21 am
seriously? guess what–contrary to popular belief the world isnt that much more dangerous than it ever has been… Ive been hitchhiking since the mid-nineties, ive hopped freight trains and spent the night in all kinds of unusual places–youre going to be fine–if you really worry, get a can of mace or some such… Maybe youre thinking about this whole living in a van thing too much-here’s a solution–buy a van already (sell your shit, i bet you can afford SOMETHING…), and hit the road… quit pussyfooting around and get on the road. I bet this gets deleted, but whatever…
justanassembler
October 13th, 2007 at 12:56 am
Don’t get a gun, just learn some grappling skills or krav maga. After you put the would-be criminal in a painful toe hold, or double grapevine his/her sorry ass, he/she will think twice before messing with anyone again
October 13th, 2007 at 1:01 am
if you do get a gun, get one that you can hang on an upturned deer hoof gun rack, get a bumper sticker that says, “guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O’Donnell fat, and definitely get one of those see through murals on one of the van windows, or put a confederate flag in one of the windows.
October 13th, 2007 at 11:42 am
As a Peace Officer for the last twenty years I’ve got some good advice about firearms.
First, to anyone who advises someone they don’t know to get a gun: Don’t give such advice unless you know the person very well. Guns won’t help everybody and, if you are the wrong sort of person, they increase your chances of becoming a statistic.
The bottom line is this. If you are the type of person who would be confident and willing to pull a weapon and shoot someone if necessary, a gun could be useful. If you are the sort of person who would only use a gun as a bluff, this is very dangerous. The person who says, “stop(get out) or I’ll shoot,” just put him or herself in a very dangerous position by giving the criminal a chance to react. If you are bluffing and the criminal senses this (and many criminals can read people)AND he has a gun, or does not think you will shoot him, you could be in a great deal of danger. A gun is a threat, like a parent, don’t make empty threats, or things could go awry quickly. Remember, wrongdoers are often in fight or flight mode before you are, they are focused you are unsuspecting.
Another bit of advice is this: go to some RVing and boondocking forums and ask how many people carry firearms. I would be willing to bet that the vast majority do not.
October 13th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Just…wow. I think I’m done reading this blog. While I’m not an idealist by *any* stretch, is this post a joke? How can you be headed into this experience with such a sour opinion of your fellow countrymen? 4 out of 5 people are out to get you? Is it possible that you be so narrowminded?
While that statement may have been embellished to make it more humourous, your opinion is clear. You don’t trust strangers. Is this the effect of living in, as the news might say, ‘post 9/11′ America? You need to take a step back and take a hard look at the experience you’re heading into. What are you really hoping to gain from this? Are you looking to hold everyone you meet at arms-length, to treat them as hostile?
While I’m writing this I might as well mention a few other things that have irked me about you and this whole thing. You seem like a lazy person looking for a free ride. You want to find some sort of scheme to make money with no effort involved, because you’re unwilling to sacrifice anything of yourself to attain your goals. I already see this idea fizzling out for you in the near future, but best of luck in your half-assed attempts. I hope someone here offers you some sound advice that you end up taking, because so far you’ve turned down the best of it.
October 15th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Sarge: that’s actually really good advice – thanks.
Here’s something else I learned: 4 out of 5 people don’t have a sense of humor.
October 15th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Don’t know what I was thinking…obviously parrots, tazers and hotdogs are far superior to firearms for self-defense. But not hotdogs with *meat* in them, gracious me, that would be awful.
Seriously, I think Sgt. Yaz is right on target…I mean….”on point” when he says in effect “don’t keep a firearm you haven’t learned how to use or are not willing to use”.
But if you decide –for reasons either ethical or practical– that you aren’t going to learn and keep weapons to defend your household (mobile or otherwise), then for goodness sake don’t advertise that fact on the Intarweb along with a map specifying your current location. Would you hang a sign on your van stating “Victim Disarmament Zone: Owners Have No Weapons”?
Didn’t think so.
I think safe and effective use of firearms for self-defense is much easier to learn than gaining and maintaining effective martial arts skills, having done both myself.
But despite the Good Sgt’s other advice, many people who *are* armed citizens *won’t* tell you so in a public forum, much less in person.
Even though I’m very self-defense positive, I don’t think the ratio of bad actors in the general US population is very high…certainly not anywhere near *near* your no-doubt hyperbolic 80%. It’s not even 5%, even in an urban area, much less on the road.
But it only takes one to ruin your whole day.
October 15th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Handgun if you are trained. The shotgun comment was probably meant to just be funny. It is a very bad idea. Long guns are not practical in confined areas at all – they can’t be handled with any speed. Would you bother to carry it outside for some quick fresh air? Probably you would leave it where it would be inaccessible and hidden. Also the racking sound is for Hollywood. Why would a gun-owner wait until there is trouble to chamber a load? What if, in the dark with adrenalin pumping and sleepy senses, you fail to load the round? What if the gun jams and won’t load? Grappling skills? Well, if someone has a weapon would you really want him to get his hands on you? And by the way, that bad guy can cover 21 feet in about 3 seconds. Ready to grapple? Please be careful you don’t get cut too badly on a sharp edge or hit with that blunt object! And as far as RVer’s, I have lots of RV experience and I have many like-minded friends – almost all are armed. There are a bunch of laws concerning handguns, though.
October 16th, 2007 at 11:28 am
Maggie, where did the 5% figure come from?
October 16th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Markus: Comicsans is absolutely right. You guys are not mature enough to take on this endeaavor. Every post has a stench of amateur, wild-eyed optimism laced with dumb, college kid logic. You want more out of this than you are willing to give up (or save up for). There are no shortcuts in life. You think spending $20,000 ($20,000!!!) on a minivan is a good idea of “living quarters”. That alone makes you look like you’re simply not thinking this through… or you simply don’t have the common sense to know better. You wouldn’t last a week living in a minivan, no matter how much you tried to alter it or justify it because you think you’re getting good gas mileage. Your attitude alone shows that you couldn’t handle it. The romance of a road trip sounds good until your little adventure becomes a way of life and you suddenly realize that not being able to take a shower when you want to is a BIG bummer. Lay off the bong, kids.
October 16th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
But Dax, you miss the point. Markus wants an adventure, and he wants to be sponsored if he can arrange it. Notice that he is absent from this discussion quite a bit? I believe he is spending his time pursuing every possibility that appeals to him as a viable plan. He views the van as an investment, since it would hold it’s value pretty well. Also, plenty of folks can live in close quarters for periods of time. Try telling our soldiers it can’t be done! I think it’s a dream of the couple’s and it is pretty exciting and alluring. You probably have some dreams of your own that aren’t universal.
October 18th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Of course I do. I just don’t have the sense of entitlement that this couple does by having the audacity to ask strangers to PAY for MY dreams of adventure. The nerve! What happened to hard work and saving? I originally came here to see how others plan to live cheaply (originally enticed by the Boing Boing mention) but when I came here, I was quickly disappointed. These kids don’t even have the sense of getting a cheap, old $10k RV for basic needs like cooking, bathroom and showering. I personally have dreams of retiring to southeast Asia before the age of 45 and I’m well ahead of schedule. But I’m not begging people online to support my dreams. Instead, I have been saving VIGOROUSLY for years and not being stupid with my spending/investments. I’d bet these kids carry credit card debt–you can just smell financial carelessness in their posts.
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:40 pm
I’d bet thats not all you’ve been doing “VIGOROUSLY”.
As far protection from assailants goes, how about a backpack that will disguise you as a Japanese fire hydrant:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/20/world/asia/20japan.html?em&ex=1193198400&en=2d37e48f1fcd907c&ei=5087
The accompanying slideshow is awesome! Its like, “Wait a minute, where did that little Japanese boy go? And why is that fire hydrant wearing jeans?!?!”
November 5th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Why would you have any more need for a gun in the van than in your house?
Have you considered pepper spray? It hurts but doesn’t kill/maim maniacs OR innocent people.
December 19th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
*tap tap tap*
Hello?
February 8th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Guess they gave up. Fun while it lasted.
March 16th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
well that wasnt a very good job of finishing it up >=(
March 27th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Hmmm? Perhaps they should have gotten a gun rack after all?
March 28th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
traveling across america is great. for money, every third or fourth day find a diner of sorts, and get a job washing dishes or something. spend 2 or 3 days there getting to know the natives and making friends. inform your potential employer that you need only 2, 3 or 4 days of of the record work. there are a million and 1 ways to earn honest money in almost every town. i know. as for showers, some small hotels will let you take a shower and clean up for about $20 to $30. or go to rest areas. as for safety. if you want to park for the night, find a firestation or police station. or a walmart parking lot. truck stops are a safe place to park. often while riding my bike on big trips, i would setup a tent in a church yard, firestation or police station property with permission. best of luck. mike
May 8th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
I feel like I’m the last one left in this apolypse blog.=( SOMEONE RESUE ME!
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Day 18: food supplies running low have been forced to entertain myself with this piece of string.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
I like to imagine that they are off on their adventure in their van, and just haven’t had a chance to blog about it yet.
May 30th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Or, according to their Flickr accounts, on vacation in the Bahamas. Those plucky kids with their dreams, hopes, and trust funds.
October 6th, 2008 at 12:31 am
that was the funniest article I’ve read in a while. you should think about writing. that’s a pretty location independent job. cheers!
October 7th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
I definitely found this though google. A few of my friends and I are going to do this exact same thing in a year or two! We have to get out of High School this year first though…
http://portland.craigslist.org/clk/bar/863442543.html
That’s the kind of thing we were thinking, but there ARE six of us… Not quite a van, though we contemplated it.
Our main problem is that we wanted to go the bio fuel route, and most of the buses that we found weren’t diesel…
Good luck with your trip! If my group actually goes through with it, I’ll send the blog link here
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:42 am
Ok, so it is 2009. What happened?